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Five Questions to Ask Your Parents to Better Understand Them
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We all likely feel that we know our parents like the back of our hand. After all, most of us have spent our whole lives spending time with them. Have you ever considered there might be aspects of your parents’ lives you don’t know about? As we all know, life’s short, and now is the time to take the time to better understand your parents.
But what should you ask?
These five questions below can provide a depth of insight into your parents that you would most likely never find out otherwise.
Ask about past loves- Since you know your parents through their relationship with you and the other parent, it can be difficult to imagine that they were their own people before both of those relationships. To shake your parents out of this frame of perception that you see them through, find out what previous romantic relationships they had.
The answers and stories your parents share will provide a lot of insight into what they were attracted to, where they were at in their life at different stages and even how you could have turned out differently. Learning about past love and hurt, and how it shaped your parents, can go a long way toward humanizing them.
Ask what adventure they’ve always wanted to have- You’ll learn a lot about a person when you find out the fantasies they dream up. Asking your parent about a childhood dream or a bucket list adventure will shed some light into what makes them tick and what makes their heart sing.
You might find out that your parent who is a doctor once dreamt of being a fighter pilot. Or, you might learn that your quiet, reserved parent has always wanted to go skydiving. Learning such information might let you create some new adventures and memories together.
Ask which death affected them the most- Learning how your parent grieves can teach you an abundance about their biggest relationships or loves. By learning which person’s death affected your parent the most, you’ll understand what it is they value the most. This answer may also reveal interesting stories from their past that would have never come up in organic conversation.
Ask about the time period prior to your arrival- It can be such a gift to know who your parents were before you came along, how you changed them and what circumstances led to your upbringing. You may learn a lot about your parents’ relationship or how they improved themselves just to make a better life for you. Or, you may learn details about the pregnancy, how both parents felt when you were born and what stories marked each milestone.
Ask what golden piece of advice they would offer- It can be interesting to discover the major life lesson your parent has learned over the years, and can teach you about their philosophy on life. Finding out their major piece of life advice will help to give you a purpose in life and better understand your parent’s legacy they would like to leave behind when the time comes.
Thanksgiving can be challenging when you’re grieving. A holiday centered on gratitude, family gatherings, and celebration can seem daunting when someone close to you is no longer there. The traditions that used to bring warmth might now feel empty, and feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion may overshadow gratitude. But in times of loss, Thanksgiving can also offer a unique opportunity to remember, honor, and slowly begin healing. Here are some gentle ways to approach Thanksgiving after losing a loved one, allowing space for both grief and gratitude. 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings It’s okay if you’re not feeling grateful or festive this Thanksgiving. Loss can bring waves of complex emotions, and it’s essential to honor these feelings without judgment. Grief isn’t linear; it shows up in unexpected ways and doesn’t always align with holiday expectations. Allow yourself to feel however you need to, whether it’s sadness, anger, or even numbness. Give yourself permission to experience Thanksgiving differently this year. 2. Create Space for Remembrance Thanksgiving can be a beautiful opportunity to honor your loved one’s memory. Consider setting a place at the table for them, lighting a candle, or making their favorite dish. Invite others to share stories about your loved one, reflecting on the joy they brought to your lives. By creating space for their memory, you’re not only honoring them but also integrating their presence into your traditions. 3. Embrace New Traditions After a loss, it can be painful to follow the same rituals and traditions. Instead, try exploring new traditions that feel right for you. Maybe this Thanksgiving, you decide to spend time in nature, volunteer at a shelter, or have a smaller, quieter meal with close friends or family. New traditions don’t erase the old ones—they’re ways to adapt to your current emotional landscape and honor your needs during this time. 4. Connect with Others Who Understand Grieving can often feel isolating, especially during a holiday centered around togetherness. If you have friends or family who are also experiencing loss, reach out and connect with them. If that’s not possible, consider looking into local support groups or online communities where people share similar experiences. Knowing you’re not alone in your grief can be comforting, and the shared understanding can bring a sense of community that’s especially healing during the holidays. 5. Focus on Small Moments of Gratitude Gratitude may feel difficult or even impossible to access when grieving, but it doesn’t have to be about grand gestures or feelings. Instead, focus on small, quiet moments that offer peace or comfort, such as a beautiful sunset, the warmth of a cozy blanket, or a kind word from a friend. These small things can provide a gentle reminder that joy can still coexist with sorrow. 6. Give Yourself Permission to Skip or Scale Back the Celebration You might feel pressured to put on a brave face or participate fully in Thanksgiving traditions, but it’s okay if that’s not where you’re at this year. Give yourself permission to set boundaries and skip or scale back on what feels overwhelming. Grief doesn’t follow a holiday schedule, and it’s okay to take a step back to care for yourself. Loved ones will understand if you need a little more space or choose to spend the holiday differently. If Thanksgiving feels especially hard this year, remember you’re not alone. Grief is a testament to love, and by finding ways to celebrate, you’re honoring the love that still lives on within you. May this Thanksgiving bring you moments of comfort, the warmth of cherished memories, and the quiet understanding that healing is a journey you don’t have to walk alone.
Grief is a universal experience, yet each person’s journey through it is unique. Whether we’re grieving the loss of a loved one, a significant life change, or even the end of a cherished relationship, the support we receive can make a crucial difference in how we heal and move forward. Various types of grief support offer different benefits and understanding what’s available is the first step to finding what works best for you. Here’s an overview of different types of grief support and tips on finding local resources. Individual Therapy What It Is: Individual therapy, usually with a licensed therapist or counselor, is a one-on-one experience tailored to your personal grief journey. Therapists help you process feelings, manage symptoms of depression or anxiety, and develop coping strategies for day-to-day life. Benefits: This support is highly personalized and can adapt over time to meet your evolving needs. Many therapists specialize in grief counseling and can offer specialized techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps reframe negative thoughts, or grief-specific techniques to process loss. How to Find It Locally: Search online directories like Psychology Today or TherapyDen, which allow you to filter by specialty and location. Your primary care doctor or local hospital may also provide referrals to grief therapists nearby. Support Groups What They Are: Grief support groups are gatherings of people who are all dealing with loss. They’re typically led by a counselor or trained facilitator and offer a safe space to share experiences, give and receive support, and learn coping strategies. Benefits: These groups help to reduce feelings of isolation and allow for mutual support among participants. Many find comfort in being able to relate to others who truly understand their loss, creating a strong sense of community. How to Find It Locally: Local community centers, hospitals, or religious organizations often host grief support groups. You can also find directories through organizations like GriefShare, which lists groups worldwide, or through the National Alliance for Grieving Children if you’re seeking support for younger family members. Online Grief Support Communities What They Are: Online support communities provide 24/7 access to support networks through forums, chat rooms, and video groups. These platforms can range from general grief support forums to specialized groups focusing on specific types of loss (e.g., losing a spouse, child, or dealing with prolonged illness). Benefits: Online support is ideal for those who may not have access to local resources, have difficulty with transportation, or prefer anonymity. You can also access support anytime, making it a flexible option. How to Find It Locally: Even if your group is online, joining a local group can be helpful for occasional in-person meetups. Websites like Grief In Common or The Compassionate Friends offer both online and local chapters, making it easy to connect with people nearby. Books and Self-Help Resources What They Are: Books, workbooks, and online courses can provide self-directed support for those who prefer to work through their grief independently. Many of these resources provide exercises, coping strategies, and stories from others who have navigated grief. Benefits: Self-help resources offer flexibility and privacy. They can be particularly useful for people who are beginning to explore grief or want supplementary support alongside other therapies or group work. How to Find It Locally: Libraries, bookstores, and online platforms like Audible or Kindle Unlimited offer a range of grief-related materials. Many therapists or grief organizations provide recommendations, or you can check popular titles like On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross for trusted insights. The journey through grief doesn’t have to be walked alone. Finding the right type of support and connecting with resources can provide essential comfort, perspective, and healing. Whether you seek the company of others, prefer a one-on-one approach, or are drawn to creative expression, there is support out there to help you through. Don’t hesitate to reach out—healing is within reach.
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First Steps to Take After a Loved One Has Passed Away Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences a person can face. The grieving process is personal and unique, often accompanied by feelings of shock, confusion, and overwhelming sadness. However, amidst these emotions, certain practical steps must be taken in the immediate aftermath to ensure that legal and personal matters are handled appropriately. Here is a guide to help you navigate the first steps after a loved one passes away. Take Time to Process the Loss The first and most crucial step is to allow yourself a moment to process the loss. Experiencing a range of emotions is entirely normal, and you may need to reach out for support from family, friends, or even professionals. Notify Close Family and Friends Begin by informing immediate family members and close friends about the passing. Contact the Appropriate Authorities If your loved one passed away at home, you will need to contact the appropriate authorities to confirm the death. A medical professional will need to declare the death and provide a formal pronouncement, which is necessary for obtaining a death certificate. Arrange for Transportation of the Body After the death is confirmed, you will need to arrange for the body to be transported to a funeral home or crematory. If your loved one had pre-arranged plans for their final arrangements, follow those instructions. If not, you will need to choose a funeral home yourself. The funeral home staff can guide you through the initial steps, including the transportation of your loved one. Obtain the Death Certificate A death certificate is a legal document that officially confirms the death of your loved one. You will need multiple copies of the death certificate for various purposes, such as settling the estate, closing accounts, and accessing benefits. The funeral home often assists in obtaining this document, but you can also request it from your local vital records office. Review Existing Wishes or Pre-Arrangements If your loved one left behind a will, living trust, or other pre-arrangements, it’s important to locate these documents early in the process. They may contain instructions for funeral or memorial arrangements, as well as information about the handling of the estate. The existence of these plans can provide guidance during a difficult time and help prevent disagreements among family members. Notify Key Parties and Institutions Begin notifying key parties about the death. Here are some of the individuals and institutions you may need to inform: Employer : Notify your loved one’s employer if they were still working. They may need to process final payments, pensions, or other employment-related matters. Insurance Companies : Contact life insurance companies to begin the claim process. Social Security Office : Notify the Social Security Administration if your loved one was receiving benefits. Banks and Financial Institutions : Inform banks, investment firms, and any other financial institutions about the death to freeze accounts and prevent fraudulent activity. Utilities and Subscription Services : Gradually contact utilities, credit card companies, and other subscription services to close accounts or change billing information. Plan the Funeral or Memorial Service The funeral or memorial service is a meaningful opportunity to honor your loved one’s life. You may choose a traditional funeral, a private memorial, or another type of gathering that reflects their wishes and personality. Collaborate with other family members to determine how you would like to proceed and reach out to a funeral home to help coordinate the arrangements. If your loved one expressed specific desires for their service, do your best to respect those wishes. Begin Settling the Estate The process of settling your loved one’s estate can be complicated, depending on the size and complexity of their assets. If there is a will, it typically designates an executor who is responsible for managing the estate. The executor will need to: Locate Assets and Debts : Identify all assets, debts, and accounts in your loved one’s name. File the Will : File the will with the local probate court if required. Work with an Attorney : You may want to hire an estate attorney to assist with probate and legal matters, especially if the estate is large or contains unique assets. Pay Debts and Taxes : Use estate funds to pay off debts, taxes, and other obligations. The passing of a loved one is a extremely difficult experience that requires both emotional and practical steps. By notifying family, making appropriate arrangements, securing necessary documents, and seeking support, you can take care of the most immediate responsibilities while giving yourself space to grieve. Remember that you do not need to navigate this journey alone; lean on those who care about you, and seek help when needed. This process is not easy, but step by step, you can honor your loved one’s memory while finding a way forward.
